JOURNEY 2013

"Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies." 
-Psalm 36:5

2013. How do I even begin to describe you? It's funny because this is by far the craziest year that I have ever been in my entire life. Talk about a whirlwind of emotions, hats off, 2013 wins that for me. I guess to sum everything up in one word, 2013 has been extremely OVERWHELMING. There were so many things that happened in my life this year that this might be my longest blog to date. My goodness, this year was most definitely a journey for me, was it wonderful, at times, was it difficult, again, at times. Was 2013 memorable, oh, YES.

This year was really full of surprises for me. To start things off, God brought me back to school after stopping for almost three years, and Yayy! I'm finally going to get my diploma on May 2014! Woohoooo! This was such a wonderful surprise for me, I wasn't expecting it, I was hopeful and I stood by the measure of faith that God has blessed me with that one day, I will be wearing my school uniform again, and tadaaaa, It did. I remembered my first day back in my beloved school, as I was walking in, I was so overwhelmed with emotions that I think, I had tears in my eyes as my feet continuously brought me closer to the gates, lanai, the main entrance and I could see the guards, one guard even said "Kilala kita, diba graduate ka na?" and of course I responded, "Ggraduate na po" and smiled. I remembered my voice breaking as the words 'ggraduate na po" came out of my mouth. It was a living and breathing fact that months from that moment, I will be having my diploma in my hands, and I will be having my last graduation picture and hang it on the wall. Yayyy! Right now, I'm a third grade practicumer--and I am loving every moment of it. One student asked me:
"Ms. Koko, why are you always helping out Ms.________?"

I answered: "Because she's my mentor"

Student: "What's a mentor?"

Me: "She's helping and guiding me in becoming a great teacher"

Student: "Really? you're gonna be a teacher? here? do you know what section you'll get???!?!"

Me: "I'm not sure yet, why? do you want me to choose ____?"

Student:  "Yes! please choose ______. I want you to be our teacher next year!"

That was such a sweet and wonderful student-teacher encounter right there!! God is indeed super faithful! I finally got my chance to take my grad pic! hey, that is BIG deal for me, before I stopped, I just asked for grad pictures of my classmates/batchmates but this time, I've got my own and in a few months, my own diploma and I can finally call myself a college graduate! I'm getting my diploma! Yeahhh baby!! :D

Going back to school was definitely, I'll say it again, overwhelming. It's weird for me to hear my classmates calling me "Ate" (though most of them said that I didn't look older than them in which they were really shocked when I tell them that I'm 23 years old :) Great genes! yess! haha!) I got a chance to be taught be amazingly brilliant professors; Ms. Leonardia, Ms. Oblena, Sir Galvez and Ms. Colendrino.

Ms.Oblena, you have no idea how much I want to write and how being a writer has always been my childhood dream. I really want to write a book one day. Being in your class has been such a joy and I honestly enjoyed every moment in your class. Thank you for assigning/requiring us to watch a musical play. I am such a theater geek but I rarely get the chance to watch a live play because for some reason, I didn't find the need for me to watch plays, weird,right? One of the downfalls of the internet, I guess. But when I went to PETA, I realized how much I missed watching plays. Live PLAYS. You've fired me up for plays again! Thank YOU! Plus, I've gotten a step closer in learning more about myself and what kind of writer I want to be through the different writing activities in the classroom! You've unleashed a certain level of creative thinking in me. Thank You Ms.Oblena!

Sir Galvez, for all the trivias and fun facts that you have always laid out in class, for making me realize that I am actually interested in Chemistry and I truly had a blast learning about the various gases in different planets. I will never forget the Nat Geo video: A journey to the end of the universe. It sparked my fascination with the stars and how it made me consider that we, humans might be stardust. Thank you for sharing facts about the month of "February" that it originally was the month that had the most number of days in a year before people got too barbaric that it had to be divided and thus making it the shortest month. I really never looked at the shape of a heart the same way ever again, I used to find the heart shape cute, but because of your fun trivia about it, it has been my hated shape now. :) Thank you for deepening my understanding in how a teacher should be, that a teacher's knowledge should not be limited in the pages of the books. It has really inspired me in becoming a better teacher to my future students.

 My mind was really stretched in Ms.Leonardia's class! I have to say, I loooove reading, I loooove literature but whenever I was in her class, I really realized how much I still needed to learn. I felt like I was a first grader learning how to read for the first time! I have to say, after my class with her, I have never looked at a piece of literature the same way again, I learned how to distinguish good and bad writing, a writer's style and consistency with the character and the story. I've learned so much from her, though she was strict, definitely, but I enjoyed every single moment in her class, I was shattered, crushed and rebuilt and molded in her class. So, Ms.Leonardia, Thank YOU! It must be said, and I don't mean to disrespect any of my passed English teachers; but for me, Ms.Leonardia, You are the BEST ENGLISH TEACHER THAT I HAVE EVER MET. I am extremely grateful that I have been given the chance, honor and privilege to have been called your student. Thank you for all the writings, the thoughts, ideas, styles and for developing my eye for reading and writing. You've stretched my mind sooo much that I actually feel like I am more keen in critiquing and reading literature. My sisters are actually telling me that I look into things too much whenever we watch a movie or when I tell them about a book I'm reading or a song that I'm singing. Thank you for teaching me the right and proper way to appreciate literature. And if ever you get the chance to read this, I really hope that you would not find any grammar glitches. Thank YOU, Ms.Leonardia! :)

and of course, my Mama. Ms.Abel Colendrino. Where do I begin to thank you? Since our first encounter a few years ago, I always had the feeling that you will be one of the people who will always be a part of my heart and a part of who I am. Thank YOU for everything, Mama and for giving me the honor of calling you my Mama. I've never felt this type of connection to someone (other than my family of course). Thank YOU for teaching me how to laugh at myself, love myself and accept myself. Thank you for all the wonderful learnings both inside and outside the classroom, for always encouraging us to accept our students for who they are, for giving me a deeper understanding on how communicate with students, on how to make an impact, for teaching me how to forgive, to love, to respect and to accept. The values that I've learned from you are truly a mark of one GREAT and WONDERFUL teacher and person. Thank YOU making your classroom a safe place to learn and discover things about ourselves. The things that you have taught us, or taught me are the things that I will truly carry to my grave, these are the things that are not contained inside the classroom. Thank you for teaching me and for showing me the type of teacher that I want to be. I can only hope and pray that I could make even half the impact that you have made in my life to my future students. Thank YOU for being my second mother and for making your classroom my home away from my own home. You are truly a BLESSING Ms.Abel. Thank YOU for everything! (Sayang lang, cause wala tayong picture together! :( soon!)
    Thank YOU dear teachers! Cheers to you! I know that your 2014 will be AWESOME! Keep being a blessing to your students. Thank YOU for being a part of my 2013 :)

I also had two life changing experiences during my first semester back in college. It was when I was given the wonderful privilege to visit a rehab center and meet the most transparent and honest people ever. These are the people in the community of SELF. It was an amazing experience to interact with them speak with them and get to know people without any pretentions or hidden agendas. They all were so blunt and honest. They of course, just like all of us had their own stories to share, and the fact that they could be transparent enough to share how they dealt with the want to change, how they faced their issues, how they chose to move on and not dwell on the past is truly something extremely inspiring. I was honored and blessed to meet them all. These men and women are amazing and I do admire their bravery, boldness and transparency. Wow. Of course, we weren't allowed to take pictures but my goodness, I was really blessed, corrected and humbled by the experience.

Also, I'd like you to meet Gavin, he's my student. He is a five year old kid with autism. My calling for children has never been so clear because of this encounter. I don't know if I'm just a softie but the more time I spent with Gavin, the more I wanted everyone to see him for who he is as a person and  not as a case or diagnosis or condition. It really pains me to my core that when people hear that a person has special needs, they'd jump to the conclusion or to a point, forget that they are people, that children are people. They start seeing these children as cases that need to be studied. The truth is, all they need is love and to be accepted.

For instance, if a person does not know how to carry a tune or has two left feet when it comes to the dance floor, do we see them as case studies or a diagnosis? Of course not! We still accept and see them as people, and that is the exact same thing that we should do when we meet people who has special needs, they are people, just like us. People with a certain level of limitation, just like us. We have our limitations,

and we accept that as a fact, then why can't we accept these kids as they are? Instead of dealing with Gavin like a case study, I interacted with him in the same way that I always do with every single person I meet--with love. As long as we just LOVE each other, everything will work out. Gavin could not speak, he was diagnosed as a non-verbal autistic child, but I wanted to prove the diagnosis wrong, I interacted with him, I loved him, and I still do.  

We played, we ran, we laughed, we fought at times--and with everything that we've done together, I made it a point to do everything with love. At one point, he actually spoke to me, he repeated the words, yellow, blue, pink, go, out, he held my hand, he looked me in the eye. I'd like to believe that he knew and he felt that I love him. And I do, in fact, when it was time for me to say goodbye, I couldn't nor could he. I remembered our last encounter, he looked at me through the doors and even if it hurt me, I waved goodbye. I am just humbled by the leading of the Holy Spirit during the period of time that I spent with Gavin, I know that it was only Divine Intervention that reminded me that all I needed to do was LOVE Gavin. Point is, Let's just remember JESUS' command, LOVE ONE ANOTHER. That's all there is to it and with that principle and value, we can never go wrong. Of course, I also couldn't post pictures :)

Another highlight of my 2013 is my BREAKING FREE journey. This too wasn't easy. In fact, it was also a whirlwind of emotions! I just feel so BLESSED to be able to go through this journey with the most AWESOME group of women ever! This was an crushing and eye-opening journey and I could not have been placed with the most awesome women. I've learned so much from these beautiful and wonderful women of God through this journey. Week after week, there is a deeper level of intimacy involved. There is a deeper understanding of the things that we think we know, understand and grasp. In this book review I was able to not only learn things about myself, how God looks at me despite my short comings and imperfections. There are a lot. I've realized that I had a lot of baggage that I was not even aware of. The level of humility and transparency that God taught me through this book was truly amazing because these are the things that we are not aware of. It was like repentance 5.0. It was amazing. I've also learned and embraced my true identity in Christ. Breaking Free from the chains of sin and captivity. I also realized the gravity of plunder through this book, through the words breathed by God in this book. My goodness, I do not know that there were so much of myself that satan has stolen from me. Really, it was such a journey and I am so thankful that I've got to go through this with these lovely ladies!

 If you haven't gone through this yet, I highly recommend that you do. Gather your best girlfriends and get to know each other deeper. For real, we cry every week. Not out of vanity but this book is so God-breathed that when you think that you don't have any more tears to shed, there's an unexpected river of tears that would be unleashed unexpectedly. It's awesome. It isn't easy, but it is so worth it. I have to say, I've gotten so much closer with God and myself because of this journey. Breaking Free by Beth Moore is such a meaty material. It's challenging but again it is so worth it! The kind of learnings, breath-throughs and revelations that we all gained after this book review are truly irreplaceable!

   Me and my family also received one of the biggest and brightest news ever, Last August, My Mom was declared ON REMISSION. In "normal" words, that means, she KICKED CANCER's Butt! It was such a vast and wonderful journey. I've never been this proud of my Mom. The strength of God is definitely seen and felt in her. During the chemo process, Mom always said that "The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you" It was a poem that she read which helped get her by. I am so blessed that God has blessed my Mom with circumstances that stretched her faith and deepened her relationship with God. He has graced her with so much love and strength throughout everything. For me, she is just one of the living testimonies of God's love, strength and mercy. This was such an adventure for my Mom, actually for the whole family, she has always been our rock, at least for me, she has always been my rock. and now, because of God's grace, she is now a cancer survivor! Yeah! It feels sooo good to say that! My Mom is a cancer survivor!

and tadaaa, as you can see, her hair is growing! and it is straight!!! My Mom's hair is a big deal for me, aside from it being a woman's crowning glory, My Mom's hair is really beautiful! As in raven black, straight perfect hair! And it's now growing! Yayyy! Talk about God's grace, right? Allow me to gloat, I'ma  proud daughter! :) 

   Of course, after being set free from all forms of plunder, the real challenge and battle came after. You know, in any situation, once you have the proper battle gear, you'd think that you are all set for battle, but no.Roughly, a month after, challenges, trials came to somehow ruin, damage and break my freedom from captivity. False accusations and persecutions were thrown to me and my family. My family means the world to me, and sadly, because satan is so desperate to take down every child and warrior of God, the enemy somehow chose to target the one thing that makes me vulnerable. My family. Family relationships were targeted by satan, but by the grace of GOD, through and by HIS strength alone, we are and will always be TooLegit to Quit. Last August, my Granny, who has always been a part of my life began to somehow evaporate. She would forget where she was, it was like, in my eyes, post-traumatic stress disorder because of certain unfortunate circumstances caused by certain people who are no longer part of my life. These challenges and trials actually brought me and my family closer, and Granny has always been part of my life and she has always been this blanket of love that would hold us all together, and now, she has been called back home to Heaven last November. It was weird because she just celebrated her 90th birthday! Isn't that great! 90 years of God's glory! It wasn't an easy season for me, not at all.

In my 23 years of existing here on earth, never for a second did I think that my Granny will miss a single day of my life, she has always been there. Last Christmas was when it all dawned on me that she's really gone, that she has gone home. Permanently. I remember the first day from the cremation, we were bringing her urn in her room, I was about to enter her room, and in that short hallway going to her room, I normally would see her feet dangling the foot of the bed, but at that time, it wasn't. --and I'll never see that again. ever. In the Philippines, we're big when it comes to celebrating Christmas Eve. I'm a boring person and a nerd, I normally would stay up till around 2:00 in the morning while the rest of my relatives would sleep at around 6 or 7am. I'd come in to Granny's room, she'd normally be sleeping at that time, I'd curl up beside her, and she'd extend her arms while I'd reach for her hand. We'd hold hands, her lovely perfect and soft hands and fall asleep. Then, every Christmas Morning, I'd wake up at around 9am and she'd normally had her coffee already but would ask if I'd like to have breakfast, she'd have her bread and queso de bola while I have bread and ham. Every Christmas Morning. It was like an unspoken tradition for both of us. This Christmas, I still slept in her room, though I stayed up will 7am before cozying up in her room and bed, but when I woke up, she wasn't there anymore. And she won't be. She's home. It's funny because the one place where I call my home here on earth isn't complete anymore. Granny isn't there. Had I known that Christmas 2012 would be the very last Christmas I'd spend with her, then I'd would not have gotten out of bed at all. Had I known. One of the most heartbreaking things of her leaving too soon is that, she didn't see me graduate. She didn't seem me become successful; She has always been the only one who would patiently listen to my crazy facts about a new celebrity, song, movie or  musical that I'm currently obsessed with, she was the one who I would talk to about my celebrity crushes without hearing any tease or sarcastic comment, she was the one who I'd always sing for whenever I learn a new song. She would listen and applaud and tell me that I sing beautifully even if I know that I don't. Granny has always been my confidence and my genuine support system, she was the one who always genuinely wanted to watch me on stage and support me not because she is a member of my family but because she genuinely wants to. She was the one who I said I wanted to be in the front row whenever I get the guts to try out theater at one point in my life. She was the one who has always been so supportive about and throughtout everything. If ever I do all the things that I told her I'll do, she won't be there to see it anymore. It still hurts me, it still gets to me, as I write this portion dedicated to her, I'm in the verge of tears, in fact, if my sister wasn't sleeping beside me, I'd probably cry, but I can't because I don't want her to see. Granny lived a great life, come on, 90 years!?!?!? 90years of love and laughter. Now, even if she won't get to see me do the things I want to do and live my dreams, I know she is still with me. As long as I have my memories, I have her. I don't think I will ever forget her, I won't. She is and will always be a part of me. The things that God has planned for me, the things that I will be doing in the future, the life that I will live, my dreams that, by the grace of GOD will soon become reality, I will always remember her. I will never forget my Granny. At each moment of my success, it is equivalent to a fulfillment of my promise to Granny. Of the significant people in my life, it is Granny who truly knows every single dream of mine. And Granny, by God's grace, I will make it. You will be proud of me. I love you and I miss you. You will be proud of all of us. I'll make sure of it. I'll make you proud of me. You will be smiling down from Heaven :) and I know that as I achieve my goals and dreams one by one, by God's grace and power of course, you will be cheering with me, you will be praising God with me. Together Granny. I love you Granny. Very Much.

On a lighter note, I'm also thankful for #FirstDateTheMusical. It is this brand new musical that stars the very talented Zachary Levi and Krysta Rodriguez.

This is actually the musical that I am currently obsessing on! It began running last August 8,2013. Because I live here in the Philippines, I won't get a chance to see it because it's unfortunately ending on the 5th of January 2014 :( It's sad. I know that this is completely out of context but this is the sort of thing that I'd normally tell Granny, and she'd listen :) but yeah, the songs are amaaazzzinnng! of course I know my favorite songs from this musical by heart. It's really interesting, it is about two completely different people who go on a blind date which of course at the end of the date, be into each other, you've gotta have a happy ending, right? But the think that really ignited my interest is the baggage that people carry on every first date. I mean, that is definitely something, right? The songs are amazing, I'm a lyricist and I have to say, I love how the lyrics of the songs were cleverly injected in the music, it was brilliant. I love comedies because it tackles serious issues on a lighter take, though, it isn't really light, I mean, humor makes everything better. The soul reason of comedies is to give its audience an epiphany--and that is why I LOVE comedies! Ugh, I wanna see this musical sooo bad! So, for those who are in the States, please go see First Date! It's on Broadway's Longacre Theatre!! Check it out! Plus, the very talented, my forever crush Zachary Levi is starring in it, how on earth can you lose? :D No Regrets. Promise!

Since, I never got a chance to see #FirstDateTheMusical live, I took it upon myself to learn the songs, and gather up the courage to actually do a cover of the heart-wrecking #Safer by Krysta Rodriguez, don't expect too much, because I'm no singer and definitely am NOT Krysta Rodriguez, I just did this out of boredom and because I like the song, as heart shattering it may be, I like the rawness of the lyrics. So, here it goes, Safer, if you've got time, listen to it, but again, don't expect too much :D It was done out of my frustration of not getting to see the musical live. Plus, if Granny was still with me, she would be the first one who would hear me sing this, cause that's what I do, I sing the new songs I learn to her and only her.

https://soundcloud.com/kollenerae/first-date-the-musical-safer

  The reason why I actually included #FirstDate in this post is because it helped me cope. It kept me distracted from hardcore depression. I am an overthinker or an over-analyzer. It is both a joy and a burden because I tend to dwell on things and ask why why why. I need something to distract me, so that I could cope and deal with things. First Date:the musical helped me cope. The humor injected in the songs made me laugh, cry and think. It maybe out of context for the readers, though I doubt that people would read this cause it is so long, but this is significant for me because it was a distraction, it made me think about things, that everyone really has a story, no matter who you are or what you have been through, or how insignificant you think you may be, you always have a story to share. Ultimately, our goal is simple. Love. Love a person, a job, a play, a movie, a musical instrument, love a song, a celebrity, a book, a movie. just Love. Because love makes the most senseless things make sense. The reason why I was able to cope through this is because I loved the actors in it, I loved the songs, I loved the music and I love the play. Well, it may be a form of bias cause I've loved Zachary Levi since his rendition of Proud Mary in Less Than Perfect, but there's still love there. Plus, His passion, heart, soul and spirit is truly inspiring. A proud man of GOD. That is the one thing that really make him stand out from everyone else. He reflects the glory of God in his life and in his actions. He has such a beautiful heart and soul.

Life is really funny. God has the best sense of humor, and sometimes, well, most of the time, HE is the only one who gets it, but at the end the joke would land and we'd go.. "I got it! good one!" This is sorta almost like that, Unno came! Unno is my first nephew :) Such a handsome little fella!
 A baby is always a wonderful and such a sweet blessing. He brings so much joy, though he came unexpectedly, well, a month earlier than expected but still, God's overflowing grace is truly undeniable! He's premature but he grows sooo fast! he's actually quite long for one month which means that he's tall!! He is such a sweetheart and I know that he will be a great guy when he grows up. I am really one fortunate lady to have this guy as my first nephew! I know that he is going to be a responsible man of God! We're all super stoked to have him, he's like this candy that every one is going crazy for. He's our shiny new toy and surprisingly, whenever I sing to him, he sleeps, peacefully. My voice is sort of like a lullaby for him which is really shocking because I never thought that it would ever have that kind of an impact to someone, let alone a baby! but it works and he falls asleep and I am loving every moment of being an AWESOME aunt to Unno-Bub! I am very proud to call myself an aunt now, as in official aunt, by blood! I could not be more stoked for this! Unno was like a breath of fresh air when he came, a little angel, when I saw him, I tweeted this before, but babies are really like a living testament of the existence of Heaven, there is absolutely no way that Heaven does not exist. A baby's laughter, presence, smile, even scent is something that cannot be fully described nor summed up in one word! I love this boy to bits and I know that he is going to be one of the most loved man ever!

  Aside from Unno, we also welcomed another member of our family. My long lost cousin, Joshua:

    To wrap up, yes, 2013 was definitely not one of my best years, but  it doesn't matter because even through the storms that I've been through, look at the wonderful things that has happened in my 2013??? It was awesome! THANK YOU JESUS FOR 2013! It was an adventure.... so I actually do not know what God plans for my 2014 but I know that at the end of everything, it is GOD that will always and forever be glorified! I mean, if I put my full trust, my everything to God, how on earth could I go wrong? Sure, last year had a few hiccups, but that doesn't mean that the past has to affect my future. I remember one of the songs in First Date that goes . . . ♪All I know is in this moment, my past is just my past♬ ♪ which is actually true, our past is just the past, we can't correct whatever has been done, but we can change our future. Friends, life is all about perspective, and as cliche as that sounds, it is true. Choose to believe. Choose to trust and Choose to be in FAITH! Why do we even have to worry, when we know that the GOD of ALL CREATION is in control? So, come on, cheer up and join me in welcoming 2014! Yeah!! Happy New Year Everyone! BE IN FAITH! Stay BLESSED!

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our "God is a consuming fire."

—Hebrews 12:28-29

Emotions

 "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand."

 -Ephesians6:13

It is one of those days when you just feel sad. For some reason, something is not just right, you feel down and lonely--Is it wrong to feel this way? Definitely not! Sadness is a feeling, it is an emotion that is felt by--everyone. It is however an unpleasant emotion. Is it wrong to feel sad? No. But it is wrong to allow sadness or any emotion to be exact to take over you. This is where things go down.

His words says that:

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." -Romans12:2

It's kind of funny what the media, or other external factors influence us to do with what we are feeling, how it is subtly saying that we should follow our hearts and go with what we feel. Ideally, Practically and Rationally, this is wrong. I mean, yes it should be one of the deciding factors but it should not be the only factor. God blessed us with brains and minds and wisdom to use and not to allow our emotions to take over it, He blessed us with brains for a reason, that He may use our brains to impart knowledge and wisdom to make the right and proper decisions. Mind over heart. That is how we should be. Some of us become too impulsive that it leads to...disasters or unpleasant circumstances because we forget to consult mr.Brain. Our brains are designed our God to be above our hearts for a reason.


Feeling something is normal, whether this maybe sadness, happiness, anger, fear, or whatever, these are all emotions, we are only human beings and we are bound to feel all these things. It isn't a sin to feel. Hey, if it was, why would God allow us to feel anything in the first place? Think about it, if every single one of our decisions were based only on what we feel, what do you think our lives would be like? When we are mad? or frustrated or felt like punching or slapping someone or something, would it make sense? If we cursed and insulted someone because we just felt like doing it, would that be a form of triumph?
What is wrong is allowing the emotion to take over that our judgment about certain things get clouded which would eventually result to chaos. God gave us emotions to feel, and what we do about these emotions is already up to us. With every action that we do, may we always ask ourselves if this certain action would glorify God or would it glorify something else? It says in 1 Corinthians 10:31

 "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."
-1 Corinthians 10:31

In WHATEVER you do, it should glorify HIM. So whenever we feel something, let's ask for more wisdom from our Father that whatever action we take, it must lead to glorifying Him and magnifying who He is in our lives. Again, it is alright to feel depressed, sad, happy, angry, frustrated, afraid, flustered, joyful, embarassed, etc. It's alright, it is what we do afterwards that matters. And one of the strongest weapons in fighting against these uncontrollable and overwhelmingly strong emotions? Drowning our minds with the word of God. This works, it does. If both our mind and spirit are fed fully by the word of our Lord, would you think you would ever feel these unwanted emotions? Of course not, because through our minds, Christ would whisper and crush every single lie that the enemy is feeding us. God's word is our weapon and HE definitely placed our minds above our hearts because our minds dictate what we should and shouldn't feel. Our minds will be filtering the things that are from Christ and from satan. The Holy Spirit is the scaffold of our minds and the shield of our heart. Never allow the enemy's lies to even enter our minds.

The more we feed our minds with the word of God the more joyful we will be. Any form of sadness or negativity will never even attempt to enter because we are sealed by the word of God.

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." -2 Corinthians 10:5

Mr.RIGHT

This letter isn't mine, it isn't from me. I found it on facebook and I believe that it would be too selfish of me not to even share it with anyone, so I'm sharing it with everyone :D Again, I do not own this, These words are not from me, I just found this on facebook :D

Dear Miss Right,
I could ask you the same question. None of us were created to be alone, we thrive off of love and relationship, so I think it’d be mutually beneficial for us to find each other quickly. The truth is, and this is where most guys won’t admit it, I need you as much as you need me. I’ve tried to be one of those super macho guys, but in all honesty, in my heart, nothing could be more satisfying than to be your sensitive and loving provider, your husband. My plans and ideas are everywhere. I ask God daily for direction and confirmation. God’s the only one with the big picture, because I’m as lost as you are. I know that there are wonderful things out there for us to discover together, God will reveal them to each of us in time. There IS a reason we’re still not together. Logically it’s because we haven’t met… or if we have, we haven’t gotten to know each other. You’re not the only one without a line of ducks, I think some of mine might actually be geese, in which case, I have to be rid of them and find the ducks to fill their spots.

I agree with you wholeheartedly about the right woman and the wrong time being the wrong woman. The same can be said for guys. And truthfully, God’s been dealing with me on issues that would only bring our relationship down. I struggle with the idea of being forgiven without cause, and I need to learn to be more accepting of grace. Until I am, please don’t give up on me. Truthfully, the reason we’re not together is that I’ve asked God to hold off on our introduction until I’m ready to be the man you deserve. I have some of the same fears. Trust me, nothing’s scarier for a guy than to think that he’ll be the emotional head over heels in love one, while you look on in disdain. I want to get lightheaded when you walk into a room, and I want you to melt at my smile. Don’t be afraid, you can never ask too much of God. Nothing is beyond His capacity. The very reason you feel like I should be these things for you, is because God has created a desire in you specifically for me and only me, who will be these things, and you won’t be happy with any other guy.

And believe me, I’m far from perfect. My heart aches at the very thought of you getting me. I’m the undeserving one. It’s not fair that someone with a past like mine gets coupled with the woman of his dreams. But the beauty of grace, is that it makes life not fair. I AM looking for you, and I’m waiting for God to deem the time right for us to meet. The fact that I know you’re out there doing the same, only strengthens me further. I hate to disappoint you, but I’m very much into movies and TV… Luckily, to have an interest in something does not necessarily mean to believe it. Love is not a feeling or emotion that coincides with “Happily Ever After”, it’s a choice. And I’ve decided to love you unconditionally into eternity.

Admittedly, a good appearance is nice, but appearances can be deceiving. Don’t worry about it; be yourself. My eyes were made with you in mind, so I’d say you have an advantage over other women. And besides, if you make yourself look too good, you’ll run the risk of attracting more than just me… I don’t want to have to fend the hounds off my woman! Your imperfections are what make you you, and I can put you just as easily on my screensaver or wall, as any of those other women. And the best part is, then I’ll have the real thing right by my side to keep me warm. Good luck with the cover snatching, you’ll need it. (lol) While there are a lot of pretty women out there, there’s only one for me. I would never settle for someone I could live with, and you shouldn’t either. Where’s the fun in that? I’m the one you could never imagine life without.

I’m the guy you might notice at first, but only in that, vague sort of way, but if you got to know me, you’d find a soul that yearns after God, and that’s what will help you understand the plan God has laid out for the both of us. If I only saw beauty from the world’s perspective, I’d be a rather lonely individual, wouldn’t I? There is none more beautiful than a beautiful soul. I can’t wait to be captivated by yours. I’d take on all the pain the world could throw at you, and you’d be the heaven that helped me bare it. I’ll be the first to admit, I struggle with taking a passive role. It’s hard to be a leader with no one to lead. Your point is valid, however, I find it ironic that you were the one to initiate this conversation, to which I am responding.

I have difficulty knowing who to pursue, I guess my biggest fear is accidentally getting in too deep with someone that’s not you. I have been hurt and rejected, and mostly because I’ve pursued… In fact, most of the stupid things I’ve done have come from “the hunt.” Maybe I should learn to do less shooting and more tracking. I can’t just fire into the crowds and hope for a hit. God has directed me on how to set my sights to find you. And you’ll be my trophy wife. (lol, couldn’t help myself with that one.) I’ll have you know, if you think I’d get married for the sake of getting married, maybe it’s you that’s looking in the wrong places. Marriage is a commitment for life, and that’s a commitment I’d be miserable to make to anyone but you. That and I want my rib back. I’ll tell you what, my rib for the covers, sound like a deal? There is no one I’d rather build my life with.

We’ll have our pitfalls, but we’ll also have our mountain tops, and there’s no one I’d rather share my adventure with because I know that there’s no way I can grow to be the man God wants me to be without you by my side.I’m getting kinda tired myself. It’s 58 days after New Year’s Eve, and I kissed no one… I was actually oblivious to the clock altogether as I was watching Monty Python’s Flying Circus (but that’s another story). Believe me, I’d rather have been in your arms. I wasn’t truly alone, but I was as good as. I’m one of the ones that feels lonely in a crowd, because I just don’t fit in. I’m not of this world, and that’s how you’ll be able to pick me out. I can’t wait till I can hold you as we usher in our first New Year together. It’ll be my happiest moment… until the next time you smile.

Good night to you, my love! God’s time is His own, but I pray daily that He take into consideration our time not spent together is time lost. I’ll search for you until I die, but I trust God to make sure it doesn’t take that long. Don’t settle for Mister Sorta Charming, because trust me, when you meet me, he’s going to look like the frog. I know not what form you’ll take, but I know you’ll be the woman God’s formed for and from me. I know you will have honesty, faith, tenderness, and a pure heart: each a beauty in and of its own. Even one of these is worth waiting an eternity for. I’ve loved you as long as you have me, and for the same reason. Don’t give up waiting for me, I’m searching for you. When we do finally meet, you can be sure God will have orchestrated it to bring out the both in best of us and to glorify Him in the greatest means possible. God’s been moving in both of our lives, and He’s been moving us together. It’s only a matter of time before that finally happens.

Forever Yours,

Mister Right

PS: That guy you were talking about that week, the one that was even at the bar in the first place? Yeah, probably not me...

MUSIC

   I will sing to the Lord all my life;

    I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.

-Psalm 104:33

    As I was scanning through random pictures in pinterest this afternoon, I decided to look for a few quotes about music. I also created a board for it, and I cannot even believe that I didn't make one before. Anyway, as I was scanning, repinning these photos, it just struck me--the power of music. 

   I found a lot of boards and pictures with different definitions of how powerful music is, as in there are a LOT from different artists. It was inspiring, and then it just dawned on me, Music is indeed so powerful. I also stumbled upon this picture that states the benefits of singing. I was actually shocked by its accuracy. singing has health benefits! I didn't even know that it was possible. I mean think about it, and honestly, when we hear that someone is telling us that singing is his/her profession, we think that it is just a hobby or a waste of time, we think of it as a joke, right? but for real, music and singing has its benefit. Now, I'm not saying taht I want to be a singer someday and that is why I am doing this post, no. I am saying this because I just realized the true and real power of music. It is not a waste of time and it is NOT a joke. It is something that benefits so many things in a person. I'll be honest, for the longest time, I have felt the same way towards music and singing too, I always thought of this as a hobby, something that was just created to kill time, but for real, the power that music brings is like a higher level of healing. MUSIC does play a very viral role in our lives which is awesome. I mean, I love music, Music strengthens my faith. Music is my faith. I have to say this, my faith has grown through the use of music, it speaks a certain language that only God and I understand. I mean, we all have this personal connection with God and mine is in the form of music and writing. I feel HIM speaking to me through music, I speak to HIM through music. He corrects me through music, He comforts me through music. This is how powerful music is, it heals, corrects and convicts us. That is why we have to be careful with what we listen to. Because music and singing affects our mood too. This is scientifically proven. Whenever someone feels down or extremely happy but he or she does not know how 

to express his or herself through words, music comes in and takes its place. Music speaks to us more that we can ever imagine. It is more than entertainment, it is more than an expression, Music is more than a hobby, it is more than an art, it is more than something to do on a boring day, Music is life itself. The feeling that music feeds us is so indescribably perfect that it can only be created by someone SO MAGNIFICENTLY GREAT, GOD. God created music. He speaks through music. I recently (and when I say recently, I literally mean a few minutes ago, when I had that "AHA" moment to write this post) had an answered prayer, I was contemplating on giving up on music. On letting music go, sort of ending this chapter of my life, but lo and behold, the moment I told GOD that I will be giving this up, I couldn't stop singing, as in I find myself singing the whole day, random songs would enter my brain and I just start singing and singing like crazy, not that loud though, cause I live with my family. I now find myself listening to music-all day. Which is odd on my end because it has been a while since I placed an earphone on my ear and actually listen to my playlist. It's been so long when I felt my soul wanting to listen to something again. I admit, I lost the drive, the passion, the fire for music for a while, especially when I started working and when I got back to school. I didn't want to sing nor listen to music anymore. I dunno why, but my fire for music faded--almost disappeared actually. It is sad, but it's true. I lost my love for music. And that is when I told God that I am surrendering this to HIM. I told HIM that I will just allow HIM to direct my life and if this passion is not from HIM, I asked HIM to take it away from me because I didn't want it anymore. I find myself crying without tears because I was so confused. Everything confused me. I felt numb and I didn't know what I felt exactly."Fill A Heart" which is such a great song, 

I just threw it all to God, especially my love for music. I felt lost for a while because I was somehow pushing down these feelings that I should have addressed in the first place. I ignored my soul's longing and hunger because I felt so dried up, but the moment I surrendered everything to God, HE reignited my passion for music, HE revealed to me that music is part of who HE has created me to be. It is more than a hobby, more than a talent, it is who I am in HIM. My passion has been reignited because of GOD. Yayyy! PRAISE GOD for restoring me into HIS original masterpiece. HE fed my soul. He restored something in me that was missing for months. Passion. It was something so   surreal. Honestly, I could not actually believe that I asked HIM to take this away from me in the first place. All I really want is to sing for HIM. All the days in my life, to sing for my King. For everyone to see my love for HIM through singing. I mean, I am not the best singer, believe me, I am not. I am not this GREAT singer at all, a LOT of people can attest to that! Believe me, I'm not. At all. I can carry a tune though but I don't actually care because all I long to do is to sing praises to HIM. To connect with HIM, to connect people to HIM through music.Whether we admit it or not, music speaks. Lately, I've been somewhat obsessing over Tori Kelly's Fill a Heart , It is such a great song. Right now, it encourages me to sing for GOD and bring people closer to HIM. 

Feed a SOUL, Fill a HEART

feed a soul, fill a heart - these are the parts of the songs lyrics that really struck me. It has such a beautiful message that conveys what I really want to do. There are so many instances in my life where I have connected with people through music. I mean, just sharing the same interests, songs, genre--I have written songs with these artists. The power that God has placed in music is so majestic that it truly goes beyond our reach. All I really want is to use this now reignited passion of mine to glorify who HE is in my life. My one and true King, the only LOVER of my SOUL--GOD. Music is where I find my faith. Music strengthens my faith. It is one of HIS many ways where I feel that I am eternally bonded to Him; HE reminds me through music that there is always hope, that we are all connected whenever we feel disconnected in life. I feel like God created music as this majestic glue that brings us all together which allows each of  our souls to let it all go. My music is for HIM. Only for HIM. Always for HIM.

FORGET

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

– Isaiah 43:18-19

      One of the things that really struck me in this verse is when it said "FORGET THE former things; do NOT dwell on the past" --Easier said than done, right? Of course! It's easier to forgive rather than to forget, others may say otherwise, but stay with me on this, what is the main reason why we cannot seem to forgive? The answer is because we can't forget. We can never forget why certain people did such things, why certain things and instances happened to us, it's hard to forget those people who wronged and offended us. It is, and this is the reason why we cannot forgive, why for some reason, even if these people already said their sorry, already paid their dues, are already living a new and peaceful life that is so far from how he/she was before; we still cannot find it in ourselves to forgive them, why? because we cant' forget. No, scratch that, we choose not to forget. That is why we have these burdens, these anger, these grudges within us that holds us prisoners to unforgiveness, this happens; to the best and worst of us. 

     But the thing is, God's word tells us to forget  the former things. Believe me, when I first read this, I was like "Whaaaat? forget? it isn't that easy. This happened, and that happened, he did this and she did that..." blah...blah...blah... Yes. It did happen. This person offended you. That person spoke ill of you. They hurt you. She judged you. He did spread false things about you. It did happen. But, hello. Have you noticed something? They're all in PAST tense. It happened. It was done. It's in the PAST. Do you live in the past? of course not! We live in the present. I am not saying that we should just easily forget the past, because well, the past is indeed part of us, but it is not the whole of us. "Do NOT dwell on the past" --this can easily be said that we should stop living in the past and live in the now, in the present, in what's currently happened. Hey, I am not saying that this is an easy thing to do, it's not and believe me, I know how hard it is, I actually spoke to God about this-and I bluntly told Him that it is not that easy and that it was close to impossible,but you know what HE said to me? He just lovingly answered, 

"I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more." -Isaiah 43:25

   That was such a boom and pow moment for me. I felt both insignificant and so significant at the same time. It's true, Our Father, chose to FORGET our SINS. He who is blameless, and who is being hurt and forgotten by us everyday chose to forgive and forget about our sins. He sees us as the person we are NOW not who we are a year ago, a month ago, a week, a day, an hour or even a few minutes ago. That is not how HE sees us, He sees us for who we are now, kneeling and worshiping HIM now. In the present. Living and dwelling in HIS present. This is how HE sees us, this is how HE sees us. He sees HIS children now. He who is blameless and sinless, He who tells us our unpleasant actions, He who is hurt deeply by our unpleasant actions, He who has the right and the true license to judge us remembers our sins no more. Isn't that just humbling? I mean, out of everyone else in all the worlds combined, He should choose to remember everything, every single moment that we hurt, disappointed, betrayed, cursed, slapped, punched, poked, and snapped -He has the right to remember all of those things and hold it against us, but He didn't. He remembers our sins no more. He chose to forget every single wrongdoing that we did. He chooses to place all those things as part of our past. I cannot even begin to describe how it feels to be so cleansed and to be looked with so much joy and love. I could feel my soul leaping with so much joy because of this. Friends, it isn't impossible to forgive and forget, nothing is ever impossible with God after all, it is impossible if we would rely on our own strength, but if we will rely and lean on our Heavenly Father for strength, wisdom, will and power--Nothing is Impossible with God :D He wants us to be reflections of His glory, and forgiveness is definitely part of His majestic glory. 

The Challenge: 

Learn to Forget. Time to Forgive. Step into Freedom.

Here's to NEW BEGINNINGS! STAY BLESSED FRIENDS! 

PLAN

     If there is anything that I have learned about how God is, He loves surprises. As in He LOVES it. He loves surprising us with answered prayers, with unexpected situations, with random character building situations, with faith stretching circumstances; He LOVES surprises. He invented surprises after all. He plans the best surprises.

   While browsing through facebook and checking out the news feed, I stumbled upon this photo:

*I do not own the photo, I just found this online :)

  And it honestly reminded me of how God plans the best surprises, not because He plans the best surprises but because His surprises are the best. All HIS surprises are a blessing. Sometimes we immediately see that, and most of the time, we realize that HE planned everything perfectly in the long run. Well, no one likes change, admit it. No one likes change at first, but changes are good. God planned it, so it is for the best. In this case, as per the photo, change is an avenue for GREATER BLESSINGS.  It says in HIS word that:

"For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." -Ephesians 2:10
  
  Yes, we've all heard of this before, God plans everything in advance, or He has gone before us, or He planned everything ahead of us, or God has a plan for us before we were even born etc... Sounds like a cliche, right? But a cliche is called a cliche for a reason; it does not mean that it is not true, because it is. God is our Almighty God, The GOD of ALL wisdom, Hello? He is the GOD of everything. He did plan everything for us, so why should we worry when we feel like we are buried six feet deep in the ground? Is it part of God's plan? Probably. Maybe, maybe not. Only He knows. What I do know is that, GOD is FAITHFUL. No matter what situation we are in (That is caused by the choices we make/made) GOD will always remain faithful. He will be there for us as soon as we ask Him to be there. He will protect us as soon as we call on Him. Will it be sudden, maybe, maybe not. What should we do then? Wait. Wait for Him. Be faithful to God just as HE is faithful to us. Trust HIS plan. Trust in HIS timing. Hey, if we can trust our family and friends, then we can most definitely trust our Creator.

“It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.”  -Psalm 118:8

   It is such a sweet assurance of how GOD is always with us no matter what happens. This is why we should always trust in HIM no matter what. No matter how hopeless the situation may be, trust in GOD. No matter how difficult and pointless something may seem, trust in God. His thoughts and mind does not functions the way our mind works. It is far more greater and better than that, that is why we can be sure that HE does NOT make any mistakes, HE makes everything blamelessly perfect.  He planned every detail in our lives. Every detail, and the great thing is, HE does NOT make any mistakes.

"He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all His ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is HE." -Deuteronomy 32:4

There are no such things as mistakes with God. He does NOT make any mistakes. Every situation that we are in is a stretch of faith. It is a process of purification wherein we will know ourselves more and know GOD MORE.

We are all part of HIS plan. His beautiful plan. :)

SINGLE

     Today, I had one of the most wonderful convictions so far. During one of my random dates with God, He reminded me of my value. Of our value. For once, this post would be more about the ladies. Ladies, this is HIS message for you...

During my date with our Heavenly Father, He reminded me something through this verse:

"How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are doves. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from the hills of Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing.Each has its twin; not one of them is alone. Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon;your mouth is lovely.Your temples behind your veil are like the halves of a pomegranate."
 -Song of Songs 4:1-3

   

    Well, I do not know how that made you feel, but it made me all gushy up inside. I mean seriously, The GOD of everything sees us this way? Our eyes are compared to doves-one of the most beautiful creatures filled with peace and purity. That is what HE sees in HIS eyes. I can honestly elaborate on all these descriptions and it would still not justify the beauty that GOD sees through HIS eyes. If only, we choose to open our eyes that we could see what HE sees, but though HIS word, it is explicitly expressed. Ladies, we are always beautiful in HIS eyes. Let us own that. Honestly beauty is something that Satan has stole from us and replaced it with insecurity. Think about it, why on earth would we feel compelled to look a certain way in a certain place? We lack confidence and we're filled with insecurity. For the longest time, this has been my struggle. I was painfully insecure about who I am that I NEVER saw myself as beautiful, that is until GOD told me I was and revealed that HE did not create anything and anyone displeasing in HIS eyes. I mean, can you look at that verse? Could we be more beautiful? Friends, we are reflectors of HIS beauty and glory! Remember that every time we have our ugly moments, cause I'm telling you, it will come, Satan will take every opportunity he could to discourage us. That's why we have to allow GOD to save us every day that we may be reminded that we are reflectors of HIS beauty and glory. You are radiantly beautiful ladies. You are. Never forget that. 
   
Not only does this verse remind me of the beauty that God generously gave each of us but also; He reminded me that we, HIS princesses are worth pursuing. The reason why women has a higher threshold for patience (men, no offense but you guys are pursuers and not the ones being pursued) is because we were designed to wait and not to pursue. We were created by our Heavenly Father to be pursued and not to pursue.

"He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord."
-Proverbs 18:22

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." -Genesis 2:24

--there are so many other verses wherein GOD has commanded MAN to pursue WOMEN and not the other way around. I am not talking about being legalistic here, but it is only right that women should wait, even if you check it in a psychological perspective; women are more patient than men. There are so many researches conducted to prove this. It isn't a theory it is a fact. It is in our nature to patiently wait. Today, God has encouraged me to always, always, always be patient and wait for HIS perfect timing. Though I know that we have all heard this before, it does not make it less true. We are HIS princesses and we deserved to be pursued by a prince. and not just any prince, a Prince of God. A prince who will lead us mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Men are made to be leaders, so they should lead their partners and wives and children closer to GOD. Hey, we're talking about Princes here, they should be spiritually mature to lead a family and most especially HIS wife. He should bring her closer to God. Now that is someone who's worth the hand of a Princess.

As women, we were lead to believe that we should aim to have a "happily ever after" type of life or live a life of a Disney Princess-hey I too am guilty of this. For the longest time, I wanted to be Ariel or Repaunzel because these two are my favorite princesses. That is why for the longest time, Eric was my favorite guy name; but today, I was convicted by the Holy Spirit that instead of aiming to be a Disney Princess, I should aim to be a Heavenly Princess--an identity and a right that has been bestowed to us by the Most High. I most definitely should live a life of a Heavenly Princess, and starting today, I am going to. Join me in this journey my sisters. Let's live a life the way our King wants us to live. Free and within HIS dwelling. 

   For the mean time, we should focus on GOD and allow HIM to cleanse and purge everything that needs to be cleansed out. Being single is a season of preparation and focus and fulfillment. Preparation for marriage, focus on GOD and fulfillment in the things that we want to do before we settle down. Maybe go on a mission trip, go sky diving, live in a foreign country, watch musical plays, eat the greasiest burger you can find --do whatever you want and experience this glorious world that GOD has blessed us with. Life just gets better and better; so before going to the next step which is marriage and having a family, why not enjoy this lovely season we're in. This is the season wherein we get to have time with GOD and our family. Focusing our everything on God and fulfilling our mission in HIM while we are single. Delight in the Lord. Enjoy this season, never allow the lie of Satan take over our single season. It is never too late once everything is in God's hands. Enjoy this season, delight in HIM. Trust HIS timing and Believe HIS promises.

"I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels" 
-Isaiah 61:10

Friends, we are all beautiful and most importantly, we are worth a LOT. :) Have a wonderful day Beloved Princesses! All GLORY to GOD!

Stay Blessed,
Koko